because i chose you.

I am so not ready but I need to be.

When was the last time I updated? Wednesday, and now it's already Sunday. For the past few days, all I did during my spare time was rest, rest, TV, videos and more TV. I'll be busy starting tomorrow, so expect a less updated blog. I'll try to update but if time is limited, that seems like a difficult thing to do. But then, there's always twitter. :)

Anyway, my month has been quite challenging because my mood is constantly changing, it's like very unstable. I guess it's because I'm nervous and my feelings are all like madness. Haha. I just hope I will be able to get through everything positively. I hate it when I'm a total hot-head and hot-tempering person. It's just never nice. I told myself to keep that resolution. That was the one thing I found hard to do. I can be very hot-tempered, I'm not even kidding. I find it scary myself.

Haha. Now, now, enough with that. I just hope 2010 will be a better, productive year. I want it to be a better year than before. Do you know what I hate the most? Not knowing what to expect. I don't like it when things are not going the way I plan it to be and that's just wrong. I hate that in me but not knowing what will happen makes me nervous. I personally think, I'm really hard to understand cause one day, I'm up and the next day I'm down. It's never consistent and sometimes very contradicting. So, let's just hope I don't get confuse more in 2010. Whaaaat?

Alright, I have to go. Badminton is on. :)

till then

- w a i

fearing the future, it's not an option.

Even in my age now, I'm the same as before

As timid as before

I only learn how to pretend to be strong.

~ No way to say - Ayumi Hamasaki.

(Translation by masa)

I'm currently listening to Ayumi Hamasaki's ~A Complete~. I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about it. I remember how much her song helped me through my teenage years. I think most of Ayu's song is almost like a soundtrack to me. It's like that one song which I hold onto and will never let go. I can listen to it over and over again and never get bored of it. Ah, I'm feeling a bit sentimental about this. I love her song to bits. I still love her and her songs. What I love so much about her song is that, it's real. You feel the same way, it's not fake. It's also very introspective and artistic.

My favourite is No way to say but then I actually love every single song she had produced and released. I may sound bias here, but I love her songs. It's deep, it hits the heart. I can actually cry when I listen to her albums. And whenever she performs, I just can't help but admire her. She always does her best and it's just lovely. I think I tend to talk about Ayu frequently. I just think, personally, she's one of the best entertainer/singer/songwriter who I have seen. She's true, never fake and always does her best in everything.

I think I've said this once in my blog, but If I were given a chance to attend anyone's concert, I would pick Ayumi's. The first time I saw her concert, I was blown away. It was almost like it's the best concert I've seen ever. It's entertaining filled with heart-felt performances which is always warm to the heart. The performances are always packed with surprises so you can't really help but enjoy the whole concert altogether. I wish I went to one of her tours. I mean like, seriously. Haha. There's a couple other concerts I would like to go to, but I'll post that out some other time.

till then

- w a i

everything is my life.

One of the most difficult thing to do is to support yourself and others at the same time. But, you did all of that, I'm proud, :)

Alright, Haha, back to reality! Next week, we'll be busy. I'm actually feeling very nervous but let's just hope for the best. I wanted to update, but I forgot what I wanted to talk about, haha. I hate this, when I sat, I had things I wanted to type in but when this window finally opens, zero, nil, nada. Let's just see where this goes.

Dreams, wishes, hopes, I had this as title a few days ago. I thought to myself, dreams, wishes and hopes, why do we have all this? I realise after watching a documentary, how much this three words helps you to be successful in life. With dreams, wishes and hopes, you can set your minds onto things. You have a purpose, you have aims. I understand how important those three things are now. I asked myself, what were my dreams, wishes and hopes? I don't want to take it lightly so I told myself to think about it hard and strive to fulfill it. I'm on way, I think. I'll get there. Insya-Allah. :)

Now, let's put that aside. Do you know I like watching fanfic trailers? Well, I do. I watch a lot of them so it's really like one of my interests. What I like about this videos, is that the makers are very creative. I mean, it takes talent to mix scenes from different movies or dramas to make a whole new story. The very first fanfic trailer that I watch was with YamaPi and Maki, I think I was in the whole Kurosagi mood at that time. That's when I found, a fanfic trailer for SUICIDE NOTE. I think, until now, it is still my favourite fanfic trailer. I just love the tracks, scene, blending and characters chosen. Haha, but then I think I'm bias, because during the promo, TRAX's song was use. I love TRAX. :)

till then

- w a i

something i said or didn't say?

I hate self-doubting myself. You know that feeling, it's hard to take in.


I never really knew how much I love writing until I read my old scribbling book. I guess, looking through the old times can be a good thing too. Yesterday, I spent an hour or so, reading through the old book, Wow. It was refreshing, remembering things you forgot. Even those things that made me happy back then, still put a smile on my face.

Anyway, I was reading Kyuhyun (BB!)'s interview last night and I can't help but say aww. Every single answer, word, expression, he is precious. I think he is just too precious, he has come a long way. I remember the day I first saw him in U. I went, awesome voice. He had this really awkward personality in him and that makes me love him more. When, he sang in K.R.Y live, I was impress every single time.

A month before his first year anniversary, 20th of April, I saw the news. Even before I finished reading, I cried, tears filled in my eyes. When, I saw the sentence 'the most injured and had a fractured hip'. I cried. And the updates weren't really helping, he was slipping through in and out of consciousness so it was really a heartbreaking day for me. Now, I'm amazed, amazed by his talent, well, actually everything. He's one precious, miracle boy, I tell you.

Alright, enough about Kyuhyun. I officially now, know how much I cringe when I watch a romantic movie or drama. It's not that I hate romantic moments, I just think some dramas and movies exaggerate this term. The things they say or do to make things seem 'loving' is just not my cup of tea. I think I am more of a comedy-mystery-action-light stuff person. I can be up for a little romance but it's just never really at the top of my choice. But, I do like some romantic movies such as; Doremifasolasido and when I say like, that means I watch the movie without fast-forwarding any of the stuff. I guess, I am very picky with movies and dramas, but I don't really think that is wrong. Haha.

till then

-w a i

and you are one of them.

I finally finished Thirteen Reasons Why last night. I'm so glad I read this book. & Of course, thank you to my sister who sent over the book. :) I've been wanting to read this book since I stumble it in a book-review blog. I was interested in the summary. The book tells the story of Hannah Baker who died, took her own life actually. It explains the thirteen reason why she decided her life should end.

She tells this reasons using tapes and we're reading through Clay's point of view. It's like a duo narrative writing. He's one of the reason she died, sort of. I started reading the book, scared. Haha, yes, I was actually scared cause the story itself sounds scary and haunting. But I brought myself to flip the book over, page by page. No, the writing made me turn the pages. To be honest, I liked the book. No, I love the book. I'm actually listening to those 'tapes' from youtube. Just like how I imagined it to be.

What I like about this strong book by Jay Asher is that it's well written. It's painfully honest, real, I think. This book teaches you something, show you something, teach you the meaning of consequences. It will make you realise that a small thing to you may lead to a painful memory to others. What I also like about this book is that, even though we know the clear ending to the story, Jay Asher was able to keep us reading, wondering, wanting to know; how, why, what the reasons were. And considering this is his debut novel, I think he did amazing. In words, this book is hauntingly beautiful and will always stay in the readers mind for a very long time.

till then

- w a i

and i re-strike and re-write the words.

Ah, blog. Hello. Haha. I wanted to post my re-caps of 2009 a few days ago but once again, I was distracted. This time, by Resident Evil 4. Haha. I was watching my brother play and I became so into the game and I kept telling him where or how to go to places, who to kill first, you get the gist, and I am the official puzzle solver in this house. *rightt.

So, before I start off my 'talking about 2010', let me just recap a little bit about my 2009. 2009 was definitely a different year. With so many things going on around me, it was hard to keep track of things. To me, 2009 went very fast, it's like snap-snap, here it is, 2010. I've done so many new things in 2009 and manage to keep half of my 2009 resolutions, so I'm a little bit proud of that. In 2009, I laughed, smiled, cried, got mad, was confused but managed to keep myself up and stable. It was hard but I think it's worth the experience.

I made a few memories in 2009; had to interview some people for an assignment (Know that I'm really bad with socialising), singing in front of the course mates, went to several more football matches and screamed really bad at the referee, laughing my guts out every time the girls and I do our works, watching movies with the girls, continue my Harry Potter time with my brother, my first sticker pictures, ah, there's so many more memories. I can't possibly list them all out. All in all, 2009 was a mixed-feelings type of year and it was one good ride, I think. :) I ended my 2009 with good events.

Haha, anyway, my 2010 so far (which is really just 4 days) was alright and had it's awesome moments. I went out with the family of course and we spent more time together. Haha. And yesterday was awesome and fun. I finally met up 2 of the bff;s. We had an awesome-ly funny time yesterday. We started off the day by having breakfast and trying to update each other with things. The funny thing was, we often go "Wait. There's too much to tell, which one should I tell first, Let me think." and that usually happens to me. Haha. Then, we went to watch Avatar, which is actually pretty enjoyable despite the frequent shocked the sound system gave me , I like the sound track. It's soothing but dramatic.

We went for lunch after the movie and this is when all the chaos, laughter starts; Haha. I love this two girls and it would be more fun-ner and chaotic if Nisah was here too. Let's go out when you're back, okay? :D Haha. Oh, I finally watched Crows Zero today. I know, I'm super late but it's okay. I wanted to watch it since maybe-late-07-or-early-08 and finally watched it this morning, hence the picture above. My verdict? It was a good movie. I mean, I'm always into those type of movies so it's really not a surprise. The only thing I had difficulty was deciding on which side to root for but I realised I don't want or need to do that. I mean, I can like both GPS and Serizawa Army, right?

I was impressed with the final battle and of course, that epic rain scene totally helped. Haha, I like how they had choreograph the fight scenes and how they shoot the scenes, it looked epic. It was awesome, I was literally dropping my jaw for 10 minutes or less. But then, I rarely see this type of scene so who am I to judge it. But I was impressed. Definitely better than some of the fight scenes I see on TV (I'm talking to you BOF. You ruin Baby #5) Yeap. I haven't watch the second movie, I'm planning on doing that tomorrow. Let's hope, I'm not too distracted with Voice. :D

till then

- w a i

Alhamdulillah. :)