A Farewell.

December 21st, 2017 is when you are officially laid to rest and as much as I want to let you go, it's very difficult. I remember when I heard my phone's notification that Monday night, I felt very uneasy and immediately went to check what it was and the words that I saw were words that I never would have expected, something that I never wanted to see, two words in one sentence together that made it really hard to digest.

I was hoping, hard that it was not true; it was rumors, that there will be better news shared but seconds turned into minutes turned into hours and it finally dawned on me that it was real. You are gone. A lot of things went through my mind, a lot of what if, a lot of why, a lot of how, how are we all going to cope?

And the way you left us, it's heartbreaking. It hurts because we cannot blame anyone else, the only thing we could do at that moment was really, blame ourselves, for failing to see, failing to be there, failing to make you feel happy. If you left because of health problems, we could have blamed the system for working you too hard. If you left because of an accident, we could have blamed the person who caused the accident but all this did not happen. You left because you needed to leave. The only way you know would make you feel better and it hurts so much. It hurts because we didn't do enough.

You needed to hear one sentence from us and we could have, should have said it to you repeatedly but we failed. When I was younger, I've talked about it, how I said it was selfish for people to commit to it but as I've grown older, I began to understand that it involves something way deeper than what we all perceive it to be.

You were going through a very hard time, a very difficult time, you tried reaching out but.

Honestly, there are times when I, I feel so broken, so useless but I know you must have felt more than how I felt. The times when I broke down, I felt it's not describable and I just can not imagine how it must have been for you. The past few days have been really hard. Every time someone mentions you, every time I see your name, your face, your smile, your voice, it hits me hard. Very hard. I try my best to not cry but fail every single time.

I think the main reason why is; it's very difficult to accept this loss and it's very difficult to let an amazing person like you go. It's also very hard because it just is. I don't care if people say I am over reacting, but they don't know. They don't know how much your words, your voice affect people. How much of an influence you are to a lot of people, how much your words warm our heart. I wished our words could have done that, you would have felt what we felt but.

It’s alright if you run out of breath

No one will blame you

It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes

Because anyone can do so

Although comforting by saying it’s alright

Are just words

Even if others think your sigh

Takes out energy and strength

I already know

That you had a day that’s hard enough

To let out even a small sigh

Now don’t think of anything else

Let out a deep sigh

Just let it out like that
Lyrics and Composed by you.

I will continue to listen to your songs, your voice and will remember you. You may slipped my mind at times but know that you have touched my heart, made a change in my life and you should be very proud of that.

Thank you for teaching me what life is, how I should treat people, to not waste time, to listen more to other's words. Thank you for teaching me all this.

You've worked hard, Jonghyun-ah. You really did, it must have been hard for you, wasn't it? But I am thankful that I got to know you, I've gotten to know someone like you; amazing, thoughtful, passionate who believes and stands for what he believes in. Thank you.

You've worked hard, Kim Jonghyun.
수고했어요 김종현 정말 .

Love, wai.

VIXX Conception 2016 has finally come to an end.

Kratos unofficial mini review! VIXX, VIXX, VIXX. I don't even know what to say anymore. How can they continue to surprise me every single comeback? Due to work commitment issues, I didn't get to review Hades (which was amazing, by the way!) I probably will review that when I have the chance but for now, let's focus on The Closer!




Alright, let's shout this: I LOVE ADORE AND AM SO SMITTEN with this comeback. (Especially since the comeback was right on my birthday, yes I'm a Halloween baby). I can't even begin to explain how much I love this release. What I love the most about this release and comeback is that the release is such a contrast and is so different from their other releases. They even mentioned it on their V-App that the release is something very different that what they had put out previously and it's so true.

Even with the lyrics, they began with "Thing about love" which (!) I can not get over with, it's on my head, every single second, minute and hour. I can not get it out of my head! The song starts slow with real heavy beats, almost RnB sounding but slow. It starts off like a slow jam with a beautiful beat and bass (which I have a weakness for!) But as soon as it transition to the chorus from the verse, it became this very complex song with very complex beats in the background. It became so heavy but so heavenly; orchestra like even! The swerve bass, I can not get over it and I love how the sounds have lots of layers with lots of very heavy and big flow. The song is definitely heavy on the vocals, using the boys' strength and just showcasing every single skill the boys have and it's just lovely. The song has this crescendo feel to it and you can feel how strong it is. (I best recommend you to hear this song using headphones!)

I love how they layer the vocals, it's barely there but noticeable. It makes the song sounds more put together and complex. I love the vocal and rap on Ravi's main rap part, it's unpredictable but the vocal and rap work well together. But I also like about this song is that, it actually starts with very minimal sounds but then they start building up the beats but also bringing it back down at the end. And the end! You know that swerve with the lyrics' "It's over" Try listening to Dynamite-Fantasy-The Closer. You can feel the era ending, you know with The Closer that this year long project has finally come to an end (BUT WE WANT MORE). I love that!

A few lyrics that I just need to let people know are:

Getting closer
다 밀어내고 너를 독점해
너의 어디에도 감히 눈을 두지 않게
틈 하나 없도록 다가가
모두들 멍하니 바라보게 안아봐

Getting closer
I push all the others away and claim you for myself
so that they won’t dare to lay their eyes on you anywhere
I walk towards you without giving them a chance
Hold you so that the others can stare in a daze

Trans creds: fy-vixx

Try listening to this on your birthday. You would swoon, I did. I think if it wasn't my birthday, I would probably still swoon. And what I also love about this part is during Ken's part : "I walk towards you without giving them a chance, Hold you so that the others can stare in a daze" It was plain and soft at first and once he said the first word, the beats started building into this crescendo, as if trying to explain how serious he was and then the beat stopped, the song became jarring WHICH MADE ME GO "OMG. WHAT. MY HEART."


And then this other part came!

The thing about love 난 네 의심을 닫고
The thing about love 전에 없던 것을 줄게 난
몰아치던 밤이 그치면
나와 함께 사라질 뿐야
널 내게 맡겨 널 내게 맡겨 uh (내게로)
And It’s over  

The thing about love I can end your doubts
The thing about love I’ll give you the things you didn’t have before
When the raging night ceases
You’ll disappear with me
Trust yourself to me, trust yourself to me uh (to me)
And It’s over

Trans creds: fy-vixx

I mean, what else can I do other than, trust VIXX? When this part comes, I'm always like, not I'm not ready for this but it's just so so good! That ending though, breaks my heart on how beautiful it is! Alright, now let me touch on the Music Video (If you haven't watch it, please do, using 720p as well and put the volume as high as possible, I promise you, You'll enjoy it!)

This music video is so different from what we've seen from Dynamite and Fantasy, while Dynamite was bright, Fantasy was not and when The Closer came, I don't know where to put it, it's dark almost creepy even but it's not obvious until you listen to the song. The music video has the eerie feel to it but you don't really notice it, because it's not obvious! So the main character for this video is Ken, while everyone is in freeze frame, he goes to each member almost making that "Hold you so that the others can stare in a daze / Get trapped in time and Dance with me." line true, literally. Because each member is in a daze, freeze frame, not moving an inch. And don't you think that little attention to detail to the lyrics is amazing? They could have made this video with Ken fighting off the others to get the girl but no, they decided to freeze frame everyone because Ken is ZEUS! But also once you link Dynamite and Fantasy you will then really know, that Ken is just playing with the mortal (in this case the five members and the girl) If you noticed in Dynamite, The main character Hakyeon, gets jealous because he hasn't got the girl yet and he plans on doing something about it, but Leo beats him to it in Fantasy by getting that Love Potion from Ravi. In Dynamite and Fantasy we see, Hongbin and Hyuk trying to stop N-Leo from doing something "stupid" to get the girl but what they don't know is, there is a big mastermind behind all this; which is Ken.


Why do I say this because the end of the project; The Closer ends with Ken being the main character and in the video, we see almost everything from his point of view (case in point, his reflection on the car). So Ken is probably is the mastermind behind all the things that have went on. And, at the end of the song, he is the one who say It's over, not only because the produces/ line distributor thinks he would do that line best but also because all the things that happen is because of him and as if you see, during the performance at the end of the song, only Ken looks up to the audience while the others put their head down. To be quite honest, there are so many theories out there for this year long project and there is so many ways to interpret it. I just hope one day, Jellyfish will come up with an explanation so that everyone can stop cracking minds, heads trying to solve all the mystery. Haha.

But overall, I SWOON is the correct statement for this comeback and I hope VIXX slays this comeback. It seems hard, but we can do it STARLIGHTS!

till then!

- wai

DYNA-MITE!

My boys are back! Our boys are back and I'm completely blown away! So, what we know from the information that they have given us is that their concept for this year long project; VIXX 2016 CONCEPTION will be Greek Gods. So, for the first Greek legends they are tacklin in their 5th single is based upon Zelos ˈziːləs the Greek God of Jealousy who personifies dedication, emulation, eager rivalry, envy, jealousy, and zeal. In other words, this single focuses on jealousy. And I'm excited!

I'm gonna review Dynamite (다이너마이트) through the song and it's MV.




And first thing's first, I have to get this out there : I LOVE IT. I can't believe Jellyfish and VIXX has done it again; impressed me and made me fall in love all over again. Just, seriously, I don't know how they do it but they did it. Haha. I'll review the song first, it's amazing. This song sounds jazzy, funky, upbeat and it's mixed in really well, the bass, the guitar sounds, the vocals (!!) and just the transition between all verse and chorus. Can you believe how much I just love the beats in this song? I recommend you to listen to the instrumental, you will not believe how complicated the beats are but it mash so well together that you don't think it's out of place. I just seriously was in awe when I heard the instrumental, and when I listened to the song again, it was like I heard something new and it was even better!

Ravi starting the song is perfect! "All mine, her mind" that one line just explains the whole essence of the song and I instantly said 'I'M IN LOVE', then hearing all this vocal being mixed in is like amazing. Do you hear Ken starting that verse?

뭘 봐 이거 놔 진정하라 하지 마
무슨 소용이야 다
이미 뻔히 저기 끝이 보여 

This was amazing, the layering in this part is amazing, go listen real closely and it's there! That layers, oh my gosh, I don't know man, but I have to say Jellyfish's producers are amazing and they deserve a pat in the back and a huge hug. The chorus though, the build up before the chorus too, it's perfect, the progression is just amazing! I don't know how else to explain but the build up sounds so up beat and exciting. The chorus just makes me love those two vocals! I just can't not love their vocals. I like how sometimes they tone down the sound and emphasise on the vocals and it's just makes us be aware of his/their vocal more! I just don't know how to explain how much I love Leo's tone, he's just perfect in this song. Halfway to their song, when they change the beat to a slower one, you just fall, fall in love with N! You know he can sing but he's just proving himself here. It's like you can't imagine it going there but they did. And to the climax of the song, the layerings of vocals makes you appreciate each and everyone because you can hear all of them. Let's not forget Hyuk, he has made so much progress and his parts are the ones that I love the most, I just go singing his part all the time now. His tone is perfect to make that beat drop and go to chorus. Hongbin, well, Hongbin, oh gosh, he had that scary lyrics and when the spoiler when out I was afraid of how tacky it was gonna be but HE NAILED IT.

수리수리 이뤄져라 All mine
수리수리 돌아서라 Her mind

It's like you are really being put under a spell and his tone just makes that work. I don't think I can imagine any other person singing his parts, and that's what makes VIXX amazing, when they are given a part, they own it. It's theirs. And Ravi, my baby! My favourite rapper! You will never fail me, you never disappoint me! He sounds great and I love how the beats goes down during his part and the bass just kinds takes over and becomes this great transition to that not so obvious guitar. It's amazing and his rap, well, he knows his strength and he sounds GREAT. So yeah, you obviously understand I LOVE THE SONG. It's my definite go-to song this week, will probably hum it at work, when I go to class, while in the staff room, it will be my song!

Now, let's talk about the MV. I JUST AM SO SATISFIED. I love vivid colour so much and never thought that VIXX would do it and they did it so well! It just makes everyone looks so damn good. Ken is especially pretty and charming in this music video and I can't help smile every single time he goes on screen especially in his solo shots! He's just really taking my breathe away. The music video is everything I want it to be!

Let me just mention the other two songs in the single!

"Six Feet Under" (늪)

 This song, I just can't stop listening to it! Especially that last two parts :

'Cause you got me going crazy
니 말에 베어 난
또다시 going insane
버틸 수가 없어 난
버틸 수가 없어 난
너 때문에 미쳐가 미쳐가
한 치도 볼 수 없게
넌 나를 가둔 채로
내 두 귀를 막아 두 귀를 막아
끝내 무릎 꿇어도
돌아보지 않는 너

(‘Cause you got me going crazy
I’m cut by your words again I’m going insane
I can’t take it anymore (can’t take it anymore)
I’m going crazy because of you (going crazy)
You’ve imprisoned me so that I can’t see anything
You cover my ears (cover my ears)
Finally I get on my knees but you don’t even turn to look at me)

Trans. credit : fyeah-vixx

The harmonies in this part just makes me so-so proud.

손의이별

is the other song that they are promoting during their comeback stages and it's a ballad. It's sad, it's perfect, it's VIXX,  It's very MELODESIGN, who I really love. It may sound like a typical ballad but when you get to listen to it carefully and understand the lyrics, you'll be 'whoa, whoa' I didn't expect that at all but you kinda did.


So overall, I'm VERY-VERY-SUPER-DUPER satisfied with this single, no matter what people say. I'm very proud of VIXX and very happy for Jellyfish, because they've proven themselves again. They really are great people working in there, the producers, staff, choreographers, stylists! They are the people who makes VIXX shine the brightest and I hope that they are proud of themselves too.

Good job VIXX and we love you!

till then!

-wai

Armor down!

Hey, hey! I'm thankfully, back!




I'm back with a mission, a mission to share and spread the love! My favourite people has finally made their comeback on 10th November 2015. They came back with a full album and I'm obviously very-very excited about the album. Their title song for this album is 사슬 (Chained up), Ravi came up with the concept which has been revealed to be Love Slave - Slave of Love.

So, how do I feel about this comeback? How do I feel about this song? Gotta be honest with you, I am in love! I'm loving every single thing about it, the song, concept, music video, promotions, EVERYTHING. But first, let me talk about the song. You know when I first heard the teaser, I was all omg omg omg, that beat! And yes, the beat is in the song. Do you know what I love so much about VIXX? It's because whenever they perform, they each shine at their own parts. Their vocals are so diverse and everyone is so different with each other but once they mesh up together, it just becomes this perfect puzzle. It makes everything so easy to listen to.

We have Hongbin starting the song this time and if you knew me, you would know how much I'm game for Bin's voice tone, it's so perfectly low but perfect, some low tones becomes really hard to listen to but Bin's is a perfect full sounding low tone and I adore this so much. N then continues and pick up the song with his very unique tone that you can't help but go wow, that sounds really good. Leo's voice is a high tone but very stable voice and it doesn't give you the impression that he's suffering and that is what I love about him so much. Ken, well, Ken, he always makes me speechless. He's amazing, his tone, well, he could go high, he could go mid but he always sound so clear and full like it's a perfect sound. We then have Hyuk who has this very unique not so high, not so low, very middle but very unique voice tone. Ravi, oh ravi, he's my favourite rapper. He knows how to work his voice, how to go with the rhythm and I love the fact that he had a short verse, gave the vocals a place to put a lil' transition and then we go back to his rap.

The only way to really understand what I'm talking about is to listen to the song, and to make sure that you appreciate the song as a whole, you should try listening to the instrumental as well. You can hear the beats and how it's actually against their voices but then when they come together, it creates this unique sound and finish off clean. It may not be the most challenging- vocal wise song from VIXX but you know that VIXX's team and staff really did a clever job with this song. I applaud Jellyfish for having a very good arranger. I really do. What I love the most about VIXX is when you listen, you know who is who and no one sounds the same. That's what I call a team, a group. I'm very proud of VIXX if you haven't noticed. Haha, I love them so much and I could talk all night about them.

Anyway, now let's talk about the music video. The third time I watched it, I literally had a pen and paper ready because I needed to jot down my thoughts, there were a lot of things I love about the music video. I love how each and everyone of them worked the rooms they had. Visually it's amazing! Everyone just matched well with their rooms, (Notice that when it's an album, VIXX always get assigns a room? They had rooms in VOODOO DOLL as well!) My favourite room was the white dance room! It looks soft but match perfectly with their choreo. And I have to talk about the chokers! If I had to pick one, I really like the Chained up logo choker. The music video also seem to have this BR-esque / Crows Zero-esque vibe! And you know how much I love those two movies! Haha.

So, take your time, click that play button and try to see what I just typed in. Maybe you'll see more amazing stuff, I always see something new whenever I watch the video. Haha.

till then!

- wai

Half-year(not) tunes.

I can't believe it's already October! I can't believe it! And I can't believe I've let this blog collect so much dust. Haha, well! Here I am, ready to share with you, what I've been listening to the past 9 months. I'll start with my saying that I will share 5 songs. Five different song that I've been listening to diligently in no particular order.

First up! Eddy Kim - 조화 (造花)



This is my favourite track from Eddy Kim's second EP Sing, Sing Sing. I've always loved his voice and his releases but this one, this really gets me. It makes me feels a lot of different things while listening to this song and I admit, when this song was released, I repeatedly played it everywhere! On my way to work, during work (free period that is!), before bed time, when I wake up and it gets me every single time.

Would you stay with me?
Would you talk to me, for me?
I’m so beautiful.
Would you stay with me?

I’m a living flower, I can breathe,
I’m not lonely,
Yes.

That's just the chorus, and it amazes me so much. You gotta admit Eddy's skills is just too lovely for words, he always amazes me with his release and he never fails to make me fall in love all over again.


Next - Amber - Beautiful.



So, f(x)'s Amber released her very first solo album this year and I'm love her album minus the title track. I love listening to this song the most because it's almost raw but honest. We all need this in our life once, a confirmation, a person to say yeah, why change? You're beautiful no matter what you wear, what you do. I love that she released another video during her birthday for her fans and I'm seriously back to re-listening to this tune.

Those hurtful words deeply cut into my heart
It hurt but I bit my tongue and endured
I know I’m gonna heal and I’m always looking up
Even if it’s dark, I’m gonna find the light
I will smile, I will keep smiling

My third pick is 아이언 (IRON) - blu (Feat. Babylon)




Omg, IRON is my favourite rapper from season 3 of SMTM so obviously when he released this single, I was more than excited but what I like the most was that I am still surprise with everything that he does. His mixtape was really good to listen to but this, this, this(!) was the best thing that ever happened! When this came out, I was still listening to his I AM and 독기 continuously so I was obviously very glad to have a new song out from him that I can listen to. He knows what works, he knows what he should put out and I really honestly don't mind if he doesn't release anything soon because what I really want from him is a full album, full of what he wrote, what he made.

Next is VIXX - 이별공식 (Love Equation)




Oh, VIXX. This year was a 90s kinda year where almost all 90s songs came back to life and VIXX made a remake of R.ef's Love/Farewell Equation. And it was the first since a long timeeee, since VIXX sang a bubbly-happy song. What I love the most about this remake is that it's fresh and new but still maintains a lot of the essence that the song first had. You don't know how much I re-played this song when it first came out. It was like replay and replay for almost every single day, hour and minute.

Last but not least! : VIXX LR - Beautiful LiaR


So, VIXX finally debuted their first sub-unit and you know you can always count on Jelly Fish to do their best with any of their releases. I was so in love with this sub-unit that I didn't realise that this song is actually my second most played song through out the year. I believe Leo and Ravi did an amazing performance with this sub unit. The message, the style, the way they played the concept is something that you would expect from Jelly Fish and more. Obviously if you asked me to rate this song/album, I would probably give it a 4.5/5. I'm also so in love with the music video. I wish I knew how to express how much I am in love with the song and music video but I can never find the right word, expression.

I’m letting go of your tightly held hands
But my heart is still the same
But I’ll let you go
I’m letting go of your hands
But my heart is still the same
I think it’s best for you
if I end it right here

So, that's it for (hopefully not this year) now! till then,

wai.

Summer, summer rain.

After a few weeks, I finally have the time to settle down and sit in front of this desktop and literally check everything. Less than a month after my travel to Kuala Lumpur, I was then set on another trip. A trip I've been looking forward to since I-don't-know-when. So, when I finally touched down and landed in Seoul, I went "Oh wow, I'm here, finally here".

Well, it actually took a few hours for that thought to sink in as I was mostly worried with luggage, immigration and all that. So, that thought finally sank in when I arrive in Myeongdong. Spending 8 days in Seoul, using the subway, walking around, rarely using taxi or private cars was definitely a rare experience. It was a good-rare experience because that was my main target, experiencing all the Seoul lifestyle. I didn't manage to enjoy the food as much as I can though as I was traveling during fasting month but it was indeed a different experience.

I'm back in Brunei though for now and I can't wait for a new set of adventures. Soon, Amin.

till then

wai

Well, talk about neglecting blogs.

Haha, What a title! We all have to admit though, I neglected this blog for too long. We now have a lot of different platforms, social networking sites we could use. Then we start to forget about the earlier sites we have, whether they be blogs, facebook, friendster or that sorts.

I never forgot about this blog, I sometimes like to read back all the posts I had typed in and usually end up cringing while reading and after reading. Haha. I used to be so expressive with words back then, now, I usually forget what I like to say, sometimes I find it hard to talk it out. I realized this after watching one of Mat Lutfhi's video, where he talked about teaching kids and it's definitely true. With kids, you need to really open up your mind and be prepared to answer very good question which adults would never ask. So, in a way, I feel lucky to be a teacher but at the same time, feel sad that I can't share the type of questions I have with my kids with my fellow friends, colleagues because we are too embarrassed to ask.

I love my kids, I really do, they sometimes make my day brighter even the naughty ones. They are amazing, they have so many comebacks to what you have to say but it makes you think and come up with very good but true and honest answers. So, whenever I have a bad day at work, I usually just remind myself and say, those kids are worth staying for. They are worth it. And, whenever I think about what had happened with the kids, they make me smile and forget all those negative things surrounding work.

Yes, I admit, being an educator has it's challenge and we usually face negative feedback instead. We are always the person who are blamed for what happens to a kid, or what happens in school. We also then have other admin related works which you wish could fly away instead of piling up. I usually just give up with hoping that it would be less because we know it will never be less. I now end up saying what now every now and then.

It also will not help a lot if you have conflicts at work, I'm not saying I have conflicts but when the community has conflicts, it affects everyone. It always end up to be, with the Bruneian phrase "Kau-kau, aku-aku" and "Kau tanya ia lah" which I usually just roll my eye on. I mean, would it kill us to be more professional during work and just let everything go once you vent it all out. Haha.

I think it's best to tackle your problems immediately, that's what I did and I feel so much better. No one likes to talk about it anymore because they know how pissed off I am with the matter. It's never good to talk about someone behind their back. Just no.

till then.

-swmy